Pigeon what?

My family has vacationed in the mountains for Memorial Day the past 5 years. Typically, we segregate: guys spend the day golfing and the girls shop and we meet back at the cabin early evening for whatever gourmet, palate-pleasing goodness my brother's in the mood to cook. Dan, you would not want to chew! Anyways, among the usual discussions of family history, traditions, and current banter, the first night my cousin and my father are sharing excerpts from the last Kiwanis meeting they attended. A guest speaker was invited and while one may think speakers talk about motivational topics, self-help, family, and civic stuff, this one introduced the rest of us to the sport of pigeon racing. Yes, I said pigeons. As in the order of species you feed bread to at the park. I shall not talk negative about these pigeons because some are worth more than my years of cosmetic dentistry plus some! Daddy and John had somewhat of a difficult time telling this without laughing, but between both of them at the meeting managed to explain that these are homing pigeons and they're trained to fly from Florida to Tennessee or wherever and whichever gets to the finish line first wins and makes many of the whole 15 members of the Pigeon Racing club very, very happy! You can imagine we had mouthfuls of questions such as, "How do they know which one won?", "What happens if they get lost and don't make it?", "What happens when they can't race anymore?", "How do you train a pigeon?", "Is wingspan important?", and most importantly, "Who picked the speaker for this particular Kiwanis meeting?".
Wow. This beats the Fainting Goat festival hands down!

A.

100% all beef patty?

I rarely eat at McDonald's, mainly because there are a wealth of other non-franchise, local eateries I like a whole lot better, but occasionally I find myself there if I'm ravenous and possibly delusional. Yesterday I had the great American meal--cheeseburger, salty fries, and small Coke. About 15 minutes after first bite, I was having second thoughts. I inspected the last couple of bites of "beef" patty reminiscent of the gray disc they call edible in the school cafeteria and then decided I really did want to know the ingredients of the alleged all-beef patty. I Googled "ingredients of McDonald's hamburger" and got this site:
http://www.mcdonalds.com/app_controller.nutrition. I found it's 100% all beef, USDA inspected, with no additives, fillers, or extenders. Hmm. I was expecting another definition like "100% lard, E-grade "beef", unbutton the top button of your pants for the expanding waistline, and has enough preservatives to cure roadkill." Oh well, I still don't think I'll be eating much more than a famous McDonald's Coke or fruit & yogurt parfait, but it's an interesting find.
Check out the list of ingredients for the Sausage Breakfast Burrito!

A.

Iroquois Peoplechase

5 years in Nashville and last Saturday was my first Steeplechase attendance. More appropriately titled "peoplechase" for us commoners merely making the pilgrimage to view the biggest and tackiest accouterments. No threat of lightning and heavy rain kept us from the social event of the season! We started the day off with LBellinos, a tasty tropical concoction of vodka-marinated pineapple and champagne. 12 noon and we already prefer designated drivers! In fine clothing even the A-list celebs would envy, we marched up Edwin Warner park to the hill for our picnic of sandwiches, dessert, salads, and an assortment of beverages. Ahhh...a nice, relaxing afternoon watching the horses ever so gracefully running laps. And then it began. A quick shower at 2, another at 3, and then the Big One at 4. Umbrellas and raincoats rendered useless, we called it an afternoon and headed towards the shuttle to take us nearer the parking field. It's obvious standing in the shuttle line that everyone quit having fun 1 hour ago and was primarily wishing for dry. The whole experience was well worth getting drenched, though my now misshapen pink cowboy hat might post another opinion!

A.

I never have a camera with me when I need it!

Why is it when there is a film-worthy moment, I never have a camera and vice versa?? Today while sitting in traffic on the interstate I was behind a truck (probably from Trafford; I couldn't see the license plate) pulling a trailer with a very homemade race car atop. I questioned whether the car had an engine or was just for show, but then decided if the fella went to the trouble to haul it from the Mel's garage to downtown Nashville that it probably was fully functional. This car was a sight and was sponsored by Mel's Tires. And emblazoned on the back of the car where I suppose the spoiler used to be, it said "In Memory of Fat Boy." I passed the driver of the truck who was, how do I say nicely, well, someone who may have been a native Traffordian. And then I wondered if this was Fat Boy's father? I kind of felt bad for Fat Boy. I would imagine there would be self-esteem, among other, problems to complement this nickname.

This memorable sighting also made me think of another day a few years ago that I spotted a very disheveled homeless man with a vocabulary worthy of the Scripps-Howard National spelling bee. Once again, I was sitting in traffic, waiting for a red light to change, and I look over and this guy's holding a sign that says "Hungry Assiduous Mendicant." Figuring Webster's isn't within arm's reach of your keyboard, this means diligent beggar. If I'd had a leftover banana or apple in my lunchbox, I would have rewarded his vocabulary and wittiness!


A.

When I grow up, I want to be....

Quite often in my job do I refer to the DOT (not to be mistaken for the transportation department or your grade school cafeteria lunch lady) which stands for the Dictionary of Occupational Titles. Since the actual book is about 3 inches thick and I don't have that much time, I have 3 pages of quick reference with sedentary to heavy jobs that I use for vocational assessments. I also have my special page of carefully selected and completely valid, but random jobs in the national economy just for those misfit constituents that have annoyed me at some point during the disability adjudication process. Here's my top 10 list:

10) coin collector (medium exertion, requires minimal training)
9) religious ritual slaughterer (medium, skilled job)
8) hacker-brick & tile industry, not microsoft-(medium exertion, unskilled)
7) showgirl (light exertion, unskilled work) this one's a hit with those
status post hip replacement surgery!
6) squeak, rattle, and leak repairer (medium exertion, unskilled) how original
5) extra (light exertion, unskilled) Think Phoebe in the episode of
'Friends' when she needed money and she played the surgical nurse on DOOL!
4) meter reader (light exertion, sort of skilled) Beware of dog!
3) artists model (light, sort of skilled) A fabulous new career for the middle
aged! Or maybe just wanting to earn cash modeling in the buff!
2) shoe shiner (light exertion, unskilled) because these jobs are
readily available on any street corner and overhead is low.
1) psychic reader (sedentary, sort of skilled) apparently, it isn't just a gift
from the Heavens and anyone can do it.

Geranimals aren't just for toddlers

I failed to mention in my earlier Kenyan post that after CM 1/2 the rest of the day included entertaining my family in town, hanging out at the Citgo station for the bluegrass jam (aka The Henpeck Market--a fabu good time the last weekend of every month!), and honky-tonkin' at the finer establishments of downtown Nashvegas. All this is important to say that I may not have run a full 26.2 marathon, but I participated in my own 24 Hour Marathon of Sleeplessness!
While consuming rounds of beer with my friends at Roberts Western World Saturday night we picked up a few cute gents, one bearing a caribou on his shirt pocket. Soon after, we had a new hand signal that looked something like Morris the Moose's antlers in childrens literature!
I didn't "finish" my 24 Hour Marathon of Sleeplessness, but amazingly, I did have a vast amount of energy reserve at 2 am that I would have done well on that 'Cram' show on GSN!

A.

I'm Kenyan on the Inside

Since I was excited reading Dan's account of the Country Music 1/2 marathon yesterday, I will post my own play-by-play! I made a shirt with this blog title, but I changed my mind and wore coolmax and sacrificed humour for comfort since likelihood of rain/sweat and all-cotton shirt make for unpleasant chafing. I had "trained" more (longest training run 7 miles) for this year's run than 2004 and it showed. Although in 2004 I had also just completed the grueling Rock n Roll Arizona (1st marathon) and wasn't really fond of running for a few months after 1/04. But I always love CM 1/2 because it's Nashville's race and 13.1 miles of bands, crowds, and favorite hotspots always make me smile!
So, I had my Mp3 this year with 63 songs for my listening pleasure. My brother, Todd, also ran the half and also ran, so he says, no more than 4 miles in training. I ate his dust and he finished in 2:14; go bro! I started in Corral 11 with Dan and Todd and I was on my own from .5 mile. I did pan the crowd constantly looking for someone, anyone, that I might have known! Good thing I had a camera in my pocket for entertainment. I have some great pictures of silly signs, strange outfits, people I passed that I knew, and our lovely skyline! I jogged pretty much all 13.1, only walking through the water stops. I was feeling strong and even running the hills that I normally choose to walk philosophically thinking I walk faster than I run up a hill. I really started to feel the physical soreness and stiffness around the end of mile 10/11. I got another kick at the split since it just two more miles. Aside: I really admire anyone that conquers the whole Country Music Marathon because at the split there is the sign that says "CM 15.2 miles to go" and "CM 1/2 2.2 miles to go" that is just mental torture! So, I got another burst of energy around the Capital and kept on running till the end and the only folks I spotted as spectators in the entire run was LB and her brother at the finish and of course all of my speedy friends at the big O family reunion area! I finished in 2:36 this year and I have a greater appreciation for the tortoise!
Here are the songs that kept me running, some repeated 3-4 times for power surge:

Pixies "Here comes your man" x3 and I crossed the start/finish with this song!
U2 "Beautiful Day"
U2 "Desire" x3
Lo Fidelity Allstars (great power song!)
JoDee Messina "I'm Alright"
Blink 182 "All the Small Things"
Foo Fighters "Monkey Wrench" x2
Stevie Wonder
Cake "The Distance" x3
SmashMouth "Walkin in the Sun" x2
Goo Goo Dolls "Here is Gone"
Webb Wilder "Louisiana Hannah" x2 (my favorite hill song!)
Pat Green "Somewhere between Texas & Mexico"
Sara Evans "Perfect"
Sara Evans "Suds in the Bucket"
No Doubt "Just a Girl" x2

(I had 63 songs on my Mp3, but some of them I just wasn't feeling it!)

Happy Trails,
A.