Being a Teenager

As I was going through my attic cleaning out stuff for the OC yard sale, I found some cartons with important-enough-to-be-saved items from kindergarten to college. I even found a signed picture of Billy Ray Cyrus from his Achy-Breaky mullet days! Yikes! In particular, I happened upon some monologues from Mrs. Lester's 8th Grade Advanced Reading class that we wrote about 'Being a Teenager'--thoughts on various topics including school, animal cruelty, and the afterlife, etc. Even at 13, I had a sense of humor! Here's my witty prose about the driver's license:

"A UFO is an Unidentified Flying Object, therefore a URO must be an Unidentified Rolling Object. This object has four wheels but they seem to be two or three feet away from the body of the object. The object has anti-lock brakes and two doors. It also has windows that have been darkened. This URO screeches as it travels and has stripes on its side. It also has an antenna on the hood....but wait a second....the door opens and from the inside comes the deafening sound of Metallica in the tape deck. There are dice hanging in the mirror. Then an alien steps down. He's wearing shades and he looks cool. Could this be a teenager who has just gotten his drivers license??"

Somewhere there's a videotape of these monologues and I was stylin' in my Guess shirt and tight-rolled jeans. Wow. Napoleon Dynamite would be so proud!

A.